How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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