ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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