It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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