I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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