He disabled his match.com account in front of me
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize