i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
