For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
