Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
