i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
