please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
