We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
