I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
