Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
