I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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