just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
