I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
