Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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