I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
