Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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