My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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