I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
