woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
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We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
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In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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