Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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