A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
not ubering you a puppy
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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