He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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