Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
