So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
