And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
