I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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