i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
