He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Life is so much better after having sex.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
