what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
