Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
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And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
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The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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