I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
