im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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