Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
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Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
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I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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