6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
