the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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