I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
