I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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