Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
