Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
