I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The chlamydia really affected his face.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
