Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
