We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
