i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
