i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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