Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize