So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
