Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
