her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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