I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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