so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
