I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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