Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now