the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
