I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
