a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
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Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
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Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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