She's like a pop up book from hell.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
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No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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