I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
