hotel room ftw
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize