Sry I called you an 8
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
